they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
