theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize