So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
