ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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