I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
