I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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