This girl is more easily done than said...
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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