I can't breathe out the right side of my face
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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