apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
do nipples grow back?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
