Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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