He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
