Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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