barbara walters just said penis...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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