I'm gonna have a badass scar
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
