Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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