Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
