i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
