Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
