He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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