3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize