i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
