make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
