Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize