we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
