i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
