I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
