she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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