The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
In America we eat man semen.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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