So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
