for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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