they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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