I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
