There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
