I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
this is an emotional support booty call
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
