All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
