I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
