Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
