I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
