i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
