i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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