If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize