I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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