He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
