So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
