Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
