margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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