If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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