The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
