i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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