I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
