Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
