I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish you could order shots online.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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