i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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