Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The air was thick with penises
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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