i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
