Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My dick has a subreddit
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
