where does the pee come out of this thing
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
