Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Even my vagina gasped.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
