Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
