I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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