I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
