Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
